Why No One Should Live in Gotham City

In most cities, you have to worry about being mugged.
In Gotham City, you have to worry about some crazy guy who looks like a clown spraying you with a gas that makes you go insane.  

In most colleges, your main concern is getting good grades.
In Gotham, your main concern in college is being attacked by a group of half-animal students who want to punish you for not accepting them.

In most cities, you have to worry about traffic on a work day.
In Gotham, you have to worry about a guy dressed as a bat driving recklessly in pursuit of a criminal who is also driving recklessly......and whose car could very easily destroy yours.

In most cities, you don't want to get out of bed in the morning because of school or work.
In Gotham, you don't want to get out of bed because you might be squashed, blown up, zapped, put under mind control, held for ransom by a madman, kidnapped and replaced by a duplicate, frozen, or subjected to vertigo.....usually before you even make it to school or work.

In most cities, you might try to be emo by dressing in all black.
You wish.  A guy who walks around in a bat costume will always look more emo than you no matter how much black you wear.

In most cities, you fear public transportation because people that use it tend to be unfriendly and/or unwashed.
In Gotham, you fear public transportation because there might be a lunatic on-board the train planning to hypnotize you into stealing valuables.

In most cities, you miss your favorite show because of presidential speeches and breaking news bulletins.
In Gotham, you miss your favorite show because some madman has hijacked all the channels to broadcast footage of himself taking down one of the greatest heroes in the city.

In most cities, the hardest thing you'll face as a police officer is taking down a particularly crafty serial killer.
In Gotham, the hardest thing you'll face as a police officer is taking down a crafty criminal who hides liquid explosives all over the city and threatens to set them off if you don't answer his riddles correctly.

In most cities, criminals wear ski masks.
In Gotham, criminals can wear any variety of costumes that have a much scarier effect.

In most cities, uninvited guests crash your party.
In Gotham, mutant college students who are half-animal crash your party.

In most cities, the biggest annoyances can be handled by the police.
In Gotham, the biggest annoyances have to be handled by a man in a bat costume and his younger sidekicks....and remember, they can't be everywhere at once.  

In most cities, you worry about hackers.
In Gotham, you worry about someone uploading a super-villain into your computer.

In most cities, the only thing to fear from snobby people is being offended by them insulting your lack of sophistication.
In Gotham, the only thing to fear from snobby people is that they might sic their birds on you and steal all of your valuables.

In most cities, the bullies are faster, stronger, and braver than you.
In Gotham, the bullies are faster, stronger, braver.....and they have nearly invulnerable robotic suits and giant floating war ships that could blow up your entire neighborhood.


In most cities, having a garden is a lovely way to make your community look nicer.
In Gotham, having a garden is a lovely way to be attacked by a villain who can control plants.

My next post:  "Why No One Should Go To Hogwarts".