Why No One Should Go To Hogwarts

In most schools, you have to worry about bullies stealing your lunch money.
At Hogwarts, you have to worry about bullies turning you into a ferret.

In most schools, you get bad grades because you forgot to study.
At Hogwarts, you get bad grades because an evil beast had prevented you from studying by dragging you into its evil lair.

In most schools, the teacher can give you an F if you do something wrong.
At Hogwarts,the teacher can feed you a potion that will force you to spill all of your deepest secrets if you do something wrong.

In most boarding schools, your letter doesn't arrive because it gets lost in the mail.
At Hogwarts, your letter doesn't arrive because some over-zealous hunter shot your "letter carrier".

In most schools, you fear walking down the halls alone because of bullies.
At Hogwarts, you fear walking down the halls alone because it's possible someone might have brought a giant, talking spider or a three-headed dog into the school.

In most schools, you learn useful things such as math or science.
At Hogwarts, you learn how to turn animals into water goblets.

In most schools, your classes are interrupted by something exciting outside the window.
At Hogwarts, your classes are interrupted by two troublemakers with magical fireworks that can't be extinguished.

In most schools, the only thing to fear from teachers is that they might give you a bad grade on something you worked hard on.
At Hogwarts, one of the many things to fear from teachers is that they might have another face sticking out of the back of their head.

In most schools, the school talent show is filled with people playing musical instruments badly and attempting to juggle without success.
At Hogwarts, the school talent show might result in some person (*coughcoughSEAMUScoughcough*) blowing up the entire school.

In most schools, you require some textbooks and maybe a uniform.
At Hogwarts, you require textbooks, a uniform, a wand, an animal companion, a cauldron, a broomstick, and an unwavering sense of courage.

In most schools, you worry about tripping as you run down the stairs and making a fool of yourself.
At Hogwarts, you worry about the staircase moving and causing you to fall to your death. 

In most schools, you take Driver's Ed when you're a teenager in order to prepare for driving a vehicle.
At Hogwarts, you learn to fly a broomstick that can go up to 500 feet in the air when you're only eleven years old.  And remember:  Broomsticks don't necessarily have airbags.

The next time you're about to complain about your schooling, remember:  It could be worse.

Upcoming on my blog:
A comparison of three animated Batman series' and a list of helpful tricks for Plants vs. Zombies.